An Awful experience I went through yesterday... Still in awe.

Violence perpetuated against me by a non-state factor bully

The issue addressed here is not only exclusive to Egypt as it happens in a lot of countries… But living in An Arab, African, and an Islamic country, makes the ordeal of LGBTQ community worse.

Given that other countries that do not criminalize or discriminate the category in question, one could be subjected to robbery and sexual abuse, and go report it to the police. This is not the same case if you live in the MENA region.

With that being said, members of the LGBTQ constantly suffer from abuse and violations along with being deprived from their right to resort to justice as a result of the stigma that smears them.

As a gay guy living under daily pressure in Egypt, I have been silent for so many years about what I have been going through, about my peers’ misery and the abuse that was inflicted upon us.

On the 9th of March, 2018, I was robbed by a man, who I trusted and thought that he is a trustworthy, reliable, and well-mannered person. He baited me after sleeping with me once, and fooled me to the point of convincing me to go to his house in an area known to be a slum and which I had only visited it once in my entire lifetime. 

I thought I should give him a try and not judge him according to the area where he comes from, shrug off the ideas of social class, and go.

As I arrived in his place (this is when I began to suspect him), he asked me to take out my phone and play some porn. I was disgusted by the request he made but said alright, let me fulfill his wish.  I assumed that there’s no one in his house as he claimed and that it is safe. 

Less than a minute before I even took my clothes off, he pushed me and said somebody came in, turned off the lights, and told me to stay put and not make any sound. Five minutes after, he came back and told me that it was his thug uncle who came in and accused him of bringing a faggot to engage in sodomy with, stole his hash, and said that he snapped a photo of us in action! And I am like what action! We didn’t even do anything! 

I said where the hell my phone is!! He told me his uncle took it and ran away! I was like, what! Are you kidding me! It was on the bed, he told me I had to take it and put it in my pocket, so that it wouldn’t ring!!

I then realized that I was trapped in his ambush!!! And that he baited me. I pushed him against the wall and commanded him to give me my phone back. I explained to him that I saved a lot of money and worked hard to buy it and I would give him some money… let’s solve the issue diplomatically. I told him:  I trusted you ….he brought out a knife-like weapon and threatened me and forced me to leave the place, and kept telling me his uncle took it, let’s look for him in a café  and I knew he was lying . 

He told me he will give it to me back in an hour. I left the area and went back to where I live, went to the phone operator company and suspended my line.  Thankfully, my data was not saved on the memory card and only on the phone memory which makes it hard for him to access it. I went to the place where he works at, and told the owner of the shop that the guy who works there stole my phone. I had to come up with a story! I told him that the man used to see me passing by and stopped me to help him out with his phone which was broken down!

This is how our conversation started before we hooked up. 

 I told his boss that the thief asked me to have coffee with him and he wanted to get to know me. I added that as I went to the toilet and forgot my phone on the table, I came back and didn’t find it, and that he claimed that a guy passing by snatched it and ran away!

His boss called him. The guy claimed that he knows the guy who stole it and will try to bring it for me. I asked for the thief’s number from the shop owner, who told me, that I am gullible and shouldn’t have trusted this guy who takes drugs and he hired him as a part time. 

Next I called the guy, who told me, that he doesn’t care, and knew I was gay and had to ambush me and steal my phone, because I am a faggot and deserve it!!I told him I will report him to the police, he told me, well do whatever you want, I don’t care  and claimed that he had a video of me and him and threatened me of exposing them if they arrest him!.

  He told me that I should be grateful that he didn’t stab me! And that I made him lose his job and if I persist, he would go tell his boss that I am a faggot and that he stole my phone after engaging with me in a sexual activity.

I didn’t care and went to the police to report the robbery of my phone. I claimed that it was snatched by a guy who was riding a motorcycle.  I informed them that it happened in another area. They told me that I needed to go to the very police station in which the incident took place so that they use the cameras to track down the license number of the motorcycle and make sure I was not telling lies. 

 I wasn’t able to simply tell them that I went to his house and now I am forced to remain silent about it. But, I feel helpless, agonized, and weak.

That bully knows where I live as he saw me getting into the building, and used to work nearby my house. He is acting rest assured that he is the more privileged and empowered because he is the masculine one. The patriarchal society still favors those types of criminals!

 I finally understood why he used to follow me in the street, and stare at me all the time until he managed to talk to me.

three months later during which he disappeared from my neighborhood and tried hard to reconcile with me, according to what his boss told me, he finally showed up again a few days ago in the first week of July, 2018. He showed up in my area without any qualms and with audacity as if he didn't do anything to me. Of course, he felt rest assured ,that I wouldn't do anything or take action against him, that's why he showed up again and now he is working at the very same barbershop.

I had earlier told his sponsor, that I don't ever want to talk to that thief again and it would serve him well if he stops chasing me. So far, He hasn't approach me, but I live under daily paranoia, what if he approaches me, what if he exposes me or beat me if he gets drugged up as he usually does? what did he tell the owner of the barbershop about me, that leads the latter to hire him again after he vowed not to ever employ him again....

he simply knows where I live and could pose a threat to me or my family. Even if he decides to leave me in peace -( which I doubt, as this manipulative person is greedy and always hungry for more and ready to blackmail me for his own benefit)-I would still pass by that barbershop and see that criminal everyday and get reminded by my own ordeal. I feel helpless and defeated. The feeling of my desire to make him payback and avenge for what he did to me is growing desperately and rather vainly as there is nothing to be done. He thinks that he got a grip on my weakness point  and that he is the winner out of this situation.....

It's a lesson learned and I will never be that rushed or lusty again..I don't want to expose my family to danger or cause them any disgrace.

a month ago by the beginning of June 2018, and as me and my group of gay friends were getting ready to pay for our drink and leave the coffee shop that we used to frequent since 2014, a group of hyper-masculine and macho guys who looked like a bunch of thugs who suffer from excess of testosterone kept cat-calling us and pointing at us calling us " faggots", I was shocked and in disbelief. This coffee shop is one of the most friendly to us and their staff members had always been very welcoming and friendly with us.... we ignored them and left the scene.
All this happened because we were giggling and dressed differently. one of us was a British dude who was wearing his shorts.

Two days later, I passed by the same cafe, and once I got there, one of the guys who verbally abused us, catcalled me and told me oh you faggot, come here...I had to pretend that I didn't hear him and moved on! I felt very offended and humiliated. I was passing by in peace.  All I could do is to walk by feeling defeated. If I confronted him, I would have been overpowered by him and his friends, and I wouldn't get support from anybody.

finally, me and my friends decided to boycott that place in order to protect our own safety as we know that there is a lack of privacy and respect in those public spaces especially towards the LGBT community.

This is not the first time that such a thing happens to me, in 2014, on a wild summer night, I was drunk and blacked out, and after I left a party and took a taxi. The driver flirted with me as I was under the influence, and can’t even remember the bare minimum details of my ride.

 What I could remember is that he took me to a remote dark area late at night and asked me to get off the taxi for a minute to fix something in it, and then abused me sexually and snatched my phone and wallet from my pocket and ran to the taxi and left me helpless and lost in the middle of nowhere.  This made me frightened and scared of drinking for a few months.

Then last December, 2017, a gay friend of mine- who I used to know for almost nine years and cut off with recently - waited for me outside a bar and attacked me physically in front of three of my friends and beat me and caused me injuries. 

I couldn’t even report to the police because of the stigma around me being gay and if the police went to the bar and because the bartender who knows we’re gay would have outed us to the police and this would drag us into a more risky situation where we can be put in jail. That same person sent me text messages on my phone and Viber threatening me and provoking me with mean and vile words.

He hurled insults at me, saying that he knows about my past and that he will beat me with his shoes. This all because of feuds that happen between friends and I chose to cut off in peace but he chased me for so long whenever he bumped into me in a cafe or a bar and he even spilled beer on me and cursed me and at last attacked me as above-mentioned.

Six months after this incident, that guy still speaks ill of me to people, and keeps sending my threats. I had to boycott all the places he goes to, because I feel threatened and insecure in his presence.

End of December 2010, I, two male friends, and two female friends were sitting in one of those Cafés late at night in downtown. All of a sudden we saw a (15 years old guy that we don’t know walking helpless in front of the Café followed by a group of  muscular guys chasing , harassing him and calling him names, just because he was wearing something that looked strange to them , they gave themselves the right to call him a “faggot”.

The boy didn’t turn around or respond to them, the matter that seemed to provoke them more, they wanted to prove that they are superior and more masculine, so one of those bullies grabbed the little boy and slapped him on the face!!! We were shocked that they beat the hell out of him in the presence of two informers and they stood still watching those guys beating the little guy just because he looked “Gay” to them, so my female friend and one of our male friends interceded trying to save the little guy from these wild masculine and fake macho guys ‘ hands as the guy was crying and screaming for help , as this friend of mine tried to intercede and stop those bullies, one of them slapped him on the face and told him , are you gay too?.

 So my female friend yelled at the informers and told them to fulfill their duties and stop this mess, telling him: “I am from a human rights organization and this thing is unacceptable”, he was like we don’t care about human rights workers and tried to arrest the victim and stopped our friend who was trying to save the little boy, so we were like oh! This is unfair you have to arrest those who showed hostility and started the fight, this guy is powerless. 

 At the end who took everyone to the police station, where the guys made peace and everyone was released by the end of the night.

None of the café- goers tried to help, and one of them told us:” why you guys would try to help such a gay boy?”… Our answer was: no one deserves to be beaten or humiliated this way because of his style of clothes or sexuality.  Even if he was a criminal… law shall be enforced and not the laws of the streets!!

The informers told us the same... This showed how homophobic one can get in Egypt. The thing is this guy was walking on his own… he didn’t harass anyone or show any kind of indecency.

If that helpless boy looked manly enough to them, everyone would have helped him, but this guy was looked down upon by everyone and his right to walk freely in the streets was flagrantly violated, just like any other girl that suffers from sexual harassment by any of those sick molesters.

Also in 2010, we threw a big birthday party for a close Italian friend who happened to rent a house with two Egyptian roommates, who were apparently homophobic. The tension was slowly growing and apparent. Some invitees got carried away under the influence and started smooching and making out. The flat mates and their friends lost it and attacked us.

 Two of my friends got slapped and punched in front of me. We were kicked of the house in the most demeaning and debasing way. The clash started after one of the homophobic attendees fought with me about the music and when I fired back, he tried to slap me and my friend intervened, then they kicked us out in an awful way. My heterosexual Spanish friend surrounded me until I left the building. 

Next day they forced my Italian friend out of the house. That close Italian friend of mine was later arrested in 2015, and falsely accused of debauchery and was incarcerated for three weeks before he was deported after several attempts to release him were conducted by the Italian Embassy in Cairo.

I cannot claim to be the only one who has been subjected to such abuse.  I can at least recall six close friends of mine who have been subject to robbery on the basis of their sexual orientation and under different scenarios.

A late friend of mine once brought a guy to his house, the latter that brought his friends, tied my friend, and beat him overhead and stole everything valuable from his house.

I can recall another friend of mine who invited a man to his house, the latter which used the chance that my friend was sleeping and stole everything valuable from the house ( from his Iphone, IPod,  laptop, money, to even the satellite receiver).

Two other friends of mine met two other gay guys at a famous bar in Downtown and went to supposedly a house that belongs to one of the guys. The guys slept with them to trick them into what turned out to be well premeditated ambush. A group of muscular men broke into the house and pointed a gun at my friends and stole their money, and phone, even a jacket and claimed the filmed them engaging in sex.

Besides, I heard several stories about gay guys’ entrapment not only by the police but by heterosexual guys who pretend to be gay and bait them to loot their phones, visa cards, or money. Some were beaten, tied, and forced to sign blank cheques.

Recently a friend of mine, who was recruited by the army to perform his military service, had to come out to the medical staff in charge of examination before enlisting the conscripts. He did that because he said he suffered from severe depression and that didn’t exempt him from his conscription and after several days, he had to tell them that he was a homosexual and confess about it despite risking persecution. However, he was lucky enough to be exempted peacefully after they billed him as “person with mental disorder”. Homosexuality is still widely perceived as a mental disorder that needs intervention and treatment.

Following the famous case of Mashrou' Leila's concert in Cairo last autumn where a group of concert-goers raised the rainbow flag and the hysterical media smear campaign against LGBTQ and incitement against them and the crackdown by the police on gays and arrest of dozens.... I heard a group of boys in the metro, addressing the issue and calling the arrested as “faggots" and mocked them. I even heard a cashier at a restaurant saying the same thing to his colleague.

It is very common for hyper-masculine heterosexuals to make fun of gay people using the worst descriptions and words ever. Some so-called enlightened groups wonder who is the man and the woman in a relationship (active or passive) but they liken it to the same roles applied between a man and woman engaging in sex.

Surprisingly, some liberal friends who try their best not to be homophobic, they are full of intentions and have gay friends, but yet their sympathy and feeling of pity for gay people is very obvious. I know some "open-minded “and "rebellious" men and women who claim they are allies and supporters of personal rights and freedoms.

I recently went out on a date with a person who revealed to me that he was arrested for four month before he was acquitted. He told me a lot of details about his experience and how he was ambushed by a police cop on Grindr. He considered it as an "eye-opening" experience, and I actually learnt a lot from him and was inspired. 

I am completely in shock and awe from what happened not because of the loss of my mobile but because I know that there’s no bright future for us in those countries. It is not a safe society to live in. I feel insecure and afraid everyday on the street or in public transportation. I can’t deal anymore with these stressful and traumatizing cancerous issues:

1- The hyper-masculinity and widespread sexism on the street by males.

2- The abuse of LGBT community by heterosexuals or homosexuals equally (stealing their belongings as a loot or trophy)

3- Done with the police crackdown and smear campaigns by the media against LGBTQ, atheists, and feminists.

4-    Done with the internal bullying by gay guys against each other ( especially against bottoms, or bottom guys against each other and transgender/ transsexual people and non-binary, done of body shaming against people who are curvy or a bit overweight and the stereotype of fit and muscular shape they impose on gay guys.

5-Sick of gay guys asking me for unsafe sex and of discovering that they are married and never use condoms for heaven’s sake.

6- Sick of the lack of sexual health awareness and the stigma against people living with HIV.

7- Sick of the discrimination against lesbians, transsexual/ transgender people by gay people and vice versa.

8- I am done with the segregation between lesbians and gay people and the exclusion and ostracizing of transgender/ transsexual people (the ghettos).

9- Sick of the smear campaigns against liberal and independent women (unveiled girls in specific and even girls who wear hijab and dress modestly are not spared).

10- Sick of not being myself and forced to uphold and adhere to Hetero-normativty, masculine demeanor, and Islam in order to survive and thrive in this society.

11- I am done with my mother’s subtle and implicit critique of my behavior and non –masculine gait or body language and her hints at me being gay.

12- Sick of people making fun of the way I talk and for not being manly enough.

Sick of silence and this Leads me to break off the silence, and speak up for my peers, and do whatever I can to help them out. This provides me with the motivation I need the most. I know I was gullible and went after my lust and don’t spare myself from the blame. But I guess one has to pay to learn lessons.

Gaining sympathy or attention is not my intention from this article… I only wish that us as advocates and defenders of human rights exert more efforts to find a solution to protect marginalized segments of the society. The LGBTQ community members here and elsewhere in the MENA region are simply stuck between state-sponsored crackdown and non-state factor violence.

The laws here do not protect LGBT people from violence or discrimination. Same things apply to women in case of rape or sexual harassment.

I hope our allies and gay-friendly lawyers come up with ways to defend us and raise awareness and lobby for changing the current flawed laws.